The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
