Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
