I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize