So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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