It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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