I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
