she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
