Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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