I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize