Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
