This is not my ceiling
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
