I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
