p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
