Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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