You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
