What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
