South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize