I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
