I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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