i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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