girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
