Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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