I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
