Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
