She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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