you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
