Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
