i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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