dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
