Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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