I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if only i could text you this smell
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
