I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
