i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
PANTIES FOUND
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