I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
