Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
