I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
