I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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