So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its not stalking. its research.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
