I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
