i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
