Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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