How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
