So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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