i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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