I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
