shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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