The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize