Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
