you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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