I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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