last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
