you told grandpa to call you daddy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
