walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
