people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
