So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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