what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
