I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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