I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
