His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
