I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
