problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
