I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
