do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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