hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
