fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
