I heard we made out
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
