Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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