then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
