I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
