An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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