I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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