I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
