paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
