doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
