wrigley field is MILF paradise
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She bit a glass in half.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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