mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize