I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
