come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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