eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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