Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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