Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
