Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
