pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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