I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
