i think i have two assholes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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