How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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