the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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