Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
