so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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