This girl is more easily done than said...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
