I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
