The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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