I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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