He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
