i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
