I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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