im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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