you guys were way drunker than both of me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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