I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
