we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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