he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
