I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
