My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
