I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
