every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
